Medium is big and small

forward-backward

stuck in the middle  or
 there is no I in team.  there is a me in team.

 I am me. you are you. we are that.
yes-no 
let go- hold on
push -pull
excite- bore
balance-fall
up- down
This is rather fun. I could go on all day. I want to stop. I want to go on forever. I need to pee. I could probably go hours without peeing. I must do laundry. I could go days and days without doing laundry.
pleasure- pain
joy -fear
elation-boredom
release-work
love-hate
ashtanga-writing about ashtanga
Here I am stuck in the middle with myself!
and yet, am I stuck? No way.  I only know about the middle due to swinging past it between my extremes. Like opposite of how the stillness of a broken watch allows it to be correct twice day, I am in the middle for many moments of every day due to my pendulum of opposites. Thanks  to motion I know what stillness might be.  
man-woman
demon-angel
monster-puppy
fierce- meek
hunger-satiate
famished- gorged
sweet- salt
high-low
hello-goodbye
attention-ignore
give-take
desire-repulse
honor-shame
I am sometimes embarrassed about begin able to give so much of my attention to ashtanga and the Alexander Technique.  Embarrassed because I know the real issue is global warming, world hunger, over population, drinkable !!! drinking water….. 
Suzanne Faulkner- Erin Brockovich
beauty queen-activist BROCKOVICH

I love that Erin Brockovich  is still doing her thing, OUR THING!!! fighting for people’s water supplies to be untainted by corporate greed.
I have a terrific handstand. I planted some marigold seeds from my last years marigolds(and some I smuggled home from indian festivals) and they are coming up in my cutting garden. I am looking forward to offering ganesha the prettiest marigold grown from my garden.
justice-just plain terrible
where am I going with this?  no where. perfect.
I sometimes feel foolish about my life as a perpetual gym class.  I love gym. It is the most important class. It is real.  It is not a fake curriculum filled with fluffer-nutter. I love fluffer-nutter.
real-fake
is movement education and the study of the self, is that fake? is it real?  is it in the middle? I am uncomfortable in the middle. I am a middle child and I love it. The middle. Monkey in the middle. Suzy in the middle.
Is it the middle yet?
Go ask Alice. Ask anyone you know who is unwilling to tell you the answer and  there you have it.
Follow the white rabbit. Black dogs are euthanized to a greater degree than any other color dog. black is not a color, it is all of the colors. Or is that white?
mean, media, mode – calculus
life-death
snuggle-cut
body- mind

self-Self

yes-no
no-yes
that’s sort of okay……I’d rather die right this second than be terrific with the sort of okay path.  why is the middle path a good place? If the middle is so good why not just hang out quietly and unchallenged right/left in that middle?
maybe because the middle does not really exist as an actual. The middle is the play/work, push/pull of itself.
I am the most selfish person I know, I am also the only person I  know, and  I gave away all of my costume jewelry when I was a little kid because it feels so good to give  people shiny stuff they want.  Know thyself. Help others. The Giving Tree is my biggest nightmare. Is it selfish to continue to give time and energy, thought and avoidance to go in, when what I seem to really value is going out and kicking ass, exposing the bad guy, shutting down the meth lab, disrupting the chain of command…..I want to change the world ,I want to every person to go to bed with food in their belly. I want to be in a quiet room and do ashtanga.

bhakti man/boy is the new cuddle monster

class clown
team kovalam 2013
devoted student 

                             

                                  

what if Iife really is a box of chocolates?  that would suck because really even though I think about chocolate all the time, my best food is peaches.

I got nothing here people.  I am a little starfish. When the shit hits the fan, I am a valuable team member. oh lord!!, I adore the concept of team. every team is a huge play of opposites. for me, team is a more tangible concept than middle.  Team keeps the play of opposites more happening at the same time in an alive, in breath, out breath sort of way. It is not push or pull or push then pull,  push IS pull. the best offense IS a good defense.
When I was a little girl   in the waiting room of my orthopedic surgeon , I sat across from the  then starting kicker for the Philadlephia Eagles. I was a big little kid, solid and tall. He was not a whole lot  bigger than me, he was a regular sized human being.  I love it when a football game comes down to a kick. All of those big huge extra/extra large guys on the sidelines biting the nails of their big huge muscular fingers, while the little guy(in pro football terms) decides it. If I am able, and I am able, to define the middle as a team of different shapes, sizes, strengths, concepts and talents, it is easier for me to see and feel and be okay with  the big and the small, the balance and the teetering, the rajas and the tamas, happening all at once, one after another,  waiting their turn to work together.
I got this middle concept on lock.
middle does not exist alone, yoh (she/he) needs collaboration.
eaves dropping- active listening

DG just pocket dialed me and I listened in for a few moments  even after I realized it was a pocket dial. So  many moments to make moral decisions about. I simply don’t have that kind of time.

If I get out of here alive, there is going to be hell to pay.
have a nice day.
fresh drinking water for  those who would not pollute the drinking water of others.
may the force be with you.
ps
force is good.
devotion-defiance
discipline-chaos

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beg-demand
rich-poor
art-NO art

I love moon days because I don’t do ashtanga. I love ashtanga.

dynamic apple at rest on Spruce Street
center city philadelphia

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